I lied today; Straight Up Lied... right to your face. I told a friend I was going to show up when I had no intention of doing so. This is the first lie I can remember telling in quite some time and it does not feel good.
At first my mind started thinking of the things that would have been better to say, to dress the lie up so that it could be swallowed more easily (swallowed by me). I don't have contact information for this new friend so that is out. I started to think - I'll just show up and then everything will be fine! - which was a good idea for the two seconds before the realization that the lie would still be a lie and that's the bottom line. I did not mean what I said.
This event came at the end of a trying few days, or maybe few weeks, out here in Vancouver. I have been having trouble adjusting. This lie has been the culminating moment of a journey that has lead me to realize that my friendship efforts have been misguided- I have been doing everything I can think of to try and meet new people when, in fact, I already know some really amazing people here, and around the world, that I should be spending more time with. My energy will be better spend solidifying the bonds I already have and maybe taking on a few new projects here and there - I already am involved with the Heritage Vancouver Society which seems to be made up of some really wonderful people who are passionate about respecting roots; for you need them to grow : )
Love the one you're with,
James
